Memoirs of a Cabin Crew – Episode 5

“Boarding pass please,” asked the beautiful cabin crew ushering us into the aircraft.

“Your seat is 34H, that is the aisle seat to your left” gesturing towards the cabin of the aircraft.  “Welcome on board!” she added.

As I stepped in to the aircraft, I thought to myself “this will be me soon, as long as I pass my training.” Yeah, this is me going for my six weeks training in London. The airline had made arrangements for us to go for a training at their base in London. After passing the medicals and all documents checked and submitted, we were cleared to go for the intensive training. This training will take six weeks, and you must pass all the test and exams. The pass mark being 88%. Any failure will mean you will be back home and your dream cut short.

As I checked the overhead lockers, I noticed a cabin crew walking towards me:

Hi, bawoo ni? I’m Ade. The FSM for this flight. How may I help you? She asked in her British accent.” Bawwo ni” is a Yoruba greeting meaning, “how are you.” Ade is also a Nigerian but born and raised in London.

“Mo’gbo Yoruba men!” she said in Yoruba. Meaning I understand Yoruba. As I opened my mouth in astonishment she added, “I could see you looking and thinking a black person with this accent may not be one of us. My dear I am one of you o” we both laughed.

“That’s nice.” I said. “At least you will be able to understand the passengers well,” I added

“Yes o. many of them think I don’t and tried to abuse me with the language, but when I changed am for dem ehn, na so dem go open their mouth” she said trying to mix it with the Nigerian pidgin language.

“Just like you are amazed now, some will just open mouth like that” we both laughing.

“Well lemme know if you need anything I will be at the galley upfront,” she said as she walked away.

“And by the way that’s your seat, right?” Pointing to the aisle seat just beside me and I nodded in agreement.

As I took my seat, pondering on how I got to this stage and what will the journey be from there. Here I am traveling to the United Kingdom to have a training, and from what I learned from the induction program, it is a rigorous exercise but fun filled.

“Six weeks?” I thought to myself. This would not be easy, but I am sure going to have fun. Right then I started thinking of what the hotels will be, what it will be like to mix with “oyinbo” and how to go visit my aunt when we have days off.

“Excuse me please…,” a voice said over me, waking me up from daydream. Looking up, it was Babatunde, one of the new crew in my group going also for the training with us-

I have the “K” seat,” Babatunde said.

“Oh, that is cool. I have been wondering who is going to be my seat partner. I was just praying it is not a pax that will take all the seat…” both laughed

“Better don’t get your hopes too high.” He said trying to scare me. “What if I decide to change my seat? I really do not like window seats. I might change.” He added

You better don’t change o” I said, trying to keep him beside me, before he decides to change with a “fatty”. Well call me anything you like here. Not that I am being prejudiced, but I tell you by the time you sit with a “plus size” person in a cramped aircraft, you will know what I mean.

Why do you not like window seat? I asked.

“I’m afraid of heights”

“Well that is genuine,” I said. “But can we swap?” I asked

“Well if you don’t mind.” He said optimistically.

“I don’t o, as long as you don’t give your seat to a fatty,” we both then laughed.

Just as we finished laughing, an Islamic cleric walked towards us and following him is a plus sized man.

“Excuse me…” said the cleric. “Where is 35K?”

“That will be the seat at the back of this one,” said Babaunde pointing to the seat behind mine. “The window seat”

“Good” said the Plus sized man. “I am beside him, 34H. The aisle seat” he added. At this time, Babatunde and I looked at each other, trying so much not to laugh. Then we could see the disappointment of the face of the good cleric.

“Hello” said Genie one of the cabin crew on duty.

“Do you guys need anything?” She asked.

“Yeah” said the plus sized man. “Can I get an extension seat belt please?”

“Oh yes,” said Genie. “Will bring one to you shortly.” Turning to us, she said, “You guys are the new crew right?” to which we answered: “Yes”

“Do you need anything? Water, juice or do you drink alcohol?”

“Yes I do,” I answered.

“I do occasionally,” said Babatunde.

“Ok, if you want any of those, just come to the back.” She added

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen this is your captain Speaking” said a voice over the PA system.

“My name is Akeem Ademolade. Welcome on board flight Ak102 taking us to London Heathrow Airport. Our flight time will be six hours and twenty minutes and the weather forecast en-route is clear skies with the possibilities of a little rain shower over Paris, causing a little bump up there. Nothing to worry about, we will try to avoid it as much as possible. However, we advise you to fasten your seat belt at all times while seated. Please pay attention to all the safety guidelines provided by the cabin crew. Ade and her team are here to make your flight much comfortable. So I leave your in their hands. Will speak to you again, during the flight and shortly before landing. Enjoy your flight.”

Soon after the announcement, the aircraft took off. I will not lie, most of us the new crew were just paying attention to all that was being done by the crew, from the closing of the doors to the safety demonstration and the on board service. All these, we were thinking will be us soon. To me, I could not wait to get started. I was actually looking forward to getting my wings.

It is has now been about four hours into the flight, and looking at the flight map, I realized we had some time to land. Suddenly there was a turbulence; it felt like the aircraft dropped some feet.

“Jesus!” said the Islamic cleric behind me. He was not the only one shouting names nor calling on their God, thinking the aircraft was falling.

“Oh my God! Oh my God! Don’t want to die like this,” said fatty beside him.

At that point, I was just stunned and in my head, all I could think of was just to laugh and use that to calm myself, so the people around me will not notice. Then I looked at my side, I saw Babatunde clutching hard on the armrest. Stunned and just quiet.

Just then seeing Babatunde’s face, I burst out laughing.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked with a tremble in his voice.

Hearing that again, made me laugh the more. Here is someone going to train as a cabin crew terrified because of a turbulence, so what will he do when he is flying every day and this happenes? Well, I guessed he would have to get used to it.

As for the cleric behind me, I suddenly realized he had called out “Jesus”. Then I turned to him.

“Oga, na Jesus you called when the aircraft was shaking?” I asked, trying to make fun of the situation.

He smiled and said, “well no bi same God we dey serve?” he said and all around him, including the fatty, burst out laughing.

 Tolumilade SOGBESAN

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